Dear Spouse . . .
Things have changed for most of us. In one way or another, the COVID-19 pandemic and quarantine have changed our normal routines and daily life. Our last post talked about what that meant for parents at home trying to homeschool crisis-school their kids turned students. Now we want to talk about what this all means for you and your spouse.
There are several variations that could be happening in your home right now, but here are just 2 examples:
-One of you is working and the other is taking care of household duties/at-home learning with the kids
-Both of you are trying to work from home and keep up with all the demands of the house and at-home learning
You probably fall into one of these categories or some variety of them. What we want to say first and foremost is . . . THIS IS HARD. Some days go by fast and others drag on and on. Some days we feel like we can conquer the world and others we want to give up by 10 am.
No matter where you fall, life sure is different from the scheduled sitters, activities, rides, and all the things that used to be our normal lives.
Not only that, but many of us are struggling emotionally and financially as well.
The reality is this can take a toll on your relationship with your spouse, and we want to give you some practical tips to help as you navigate a “new normal”.
You are a TEAM! Teammates do things together. Normal things around the house need to be done and sometimes you have to take a “divide and conquer” approach. BUT, sometimes, you just need the sense of being together and working together. So, laundry, dishes, etc...do them together. Talk, sing, dance, complain while you do them, but do them together. This will make you both feel like you are in this thing together and no one person is carrying an extra load.
Communication is key. If you are both at home trying to work and take care of the kids you have to communicate with one another. My husband and I have a calendar that is shared on our phones (we also keep a master calendar on the fridge) and it helps so much. Take the day and divide it out around phone calls and work meetings. Make a schedule for who can do what and when. You may be able to do this a week at a time or sit down each night and make it day-by-day. Just remember to have GRACE. Things come up and you may need to cover for each other when necessary.
Be honest about how you are feeling AND COMMUNICATE those feelings. Sad, mad, upset, anxious, OVER IT...it’s all ok. But the two of you must feel safe with sharing how you are feeling and must be honest with how you are feeling. Your spouse cannot read your mind and therefore, cannot help you unless you are honest and tell them.
Pray together. If you don’t already pray together, there is no better time to start. If you feel uncomfortable praying together, write out a prayer and read the same one every night until it becomes easier. Pray for each other, over your house and children, pray for your neighbors & community.
Have Date Night In. Wait until the kids go to bed and eat dinner together. Play a game, drink a glass of wine, or watch a movie. Whatever you do, just spend some one-on-one time together. (Hint-this also helps with communication)
To the spouse that isn’t at home all day with the kids-HELP!!! When you get home from work or are done with work from home...take the kids for a walk, give them their baths, put them to bed...something to give your spouse a small break. It is hard being at home all day with kids because it is constant. Nonstop. There is nothing better than a spouse that takes over for a little bit and gives you a breather!
Here's the thing-compromise is going to be king for the next few weeks...or however long we are in this thing for. Being compassionate toward your spouse will serve you and your family more than anything else. The goal for your house is peace. Set your standards to a level that are attainable so you aren’t let down everyday. Just remember you are a family unit. Unity literally means “the state of being joined as a whole”. You are in this together and we have this precious time to reunite as families and make some new normals for our homes and our relationships.
Right now, treating your spouse with kindness and respect may not be the easiest thing to do. Most of us are running low on these things and high on emotions and anxiety. But sweet friends-you have 2 choices and our hope is that you use this time as a RESET to come out of this stronger and with a better understanding of what you want your life to look like.
